I went for a run today, and it was THE worst. run. ever. I could barely do anything. I feel so disheartened and naff at the moment. I’m at a really low point. I wasn’t sure I wanted to post about this because no-one wants to read moany drivel. But then I thought, why not? It’s a part of this journey. Or rather, this stagnation. Urg.
I have 4 weeks to get into good enough shape to run a 5k, and I cant even manage 5 minutes. How the heck am I going to do this?!?! Seriously? I would like to know?
When people close to you sit you down and have a serious talk about how worried they are about your fatness, you know you’re in deep doodoo. The question that runs through my mind the most is ‘how did it even come to this?’ and the answer? I dont know. I do know, eating, obviously, but I didn’t think I was ever eating so badly that it would result in this. Being too fat to run. Being unable to do something that is a basic human movement. Being uncomfortable walking because of all the friction of my legs rubbing together. I hate this. I hate me for being like this. And then, in swoops the emotional eating. Making me fatter, and starting the whole spiralling crap process all over again. AARRGGHHHH.
It’s hard to be positive about myself when theres no improvement. so, why am I even running? why try?
Well…because if I don’t it will get worse I guess. And I’ve already paid for my entry to race for life.
Sorry for this post being so…miserable and self-depreciating. I just needed to vent. I’m sure my next post won’t be so miserable. Hopefully.