March Goals

Happy March…

I have been so inactive on here, my apologies!

January was hard – I had to leave Slimming World due to financial difficulties, so it took me a little while to adjust to that. Then February came and flew by; it was a busy one for me, my birthday month so you can imagine what my eating habits were like! On the more positive side, I’ve been doing pilates and spin classes every week, and I’ve been dipping my toes back into running. So on the exercise front, I’ve been doing really well and I’m proud of myself for sticking with my classes.

Alongside this, I’ve had a couple of health checks – one in January, and one on 1st March. In these they measured my body fat, which I am interested in keeping track of…here’s how I’m doing this year…

Body Fat…

January BF: 45.5%

March BF: 43.79%

Difference: -1.71%

Weight…

January: 250.5 pounds

March: 252 pounds

So I have put on weight since the beginning of the year (not much, I might add!) BUT, I have lost body fat sooo…that’s a win for me! I’m trying to eat well through March, and keep up with exercising regularly – which I have been doing with pilates and spin.

Fingers crossed for more loss at the end of March!

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Cravings, Non-cravings and my Relationship with Food

I don’t know what’s happened this week. I’ve eaten really well, not snacked between meals, and done some exercise (in the form of walking). There have been no cravings for anything, despite knowing there is chocolate that has been left in the cupboard at home, and a multitude of biscuits and easy ways to get crap food at work. It’s all a bit bewildering. Reading through what I’ve written, it sounds like this should be a good thing. Well…I’m not so sure. I’ve lost my appetite and feel nauseous when I eat. I feel guilty with every mouthful of food and consider skipping meals. So actually, perhaps it’s not such a good thing.

Some people have been trying to be supportive. However, their ‘supportive’ comments are more like backhanded insults, insinuations, and overall negative comments. They said they are sick of waiting for me to do something about being fat instead of saying I will, talking about it and dragging my feet. Apparently I need to let go of my pride and let people help me. Ummm…I take advice all the time. I asked for advice on a recent post, and have had several hundred conversations about all of this shit. Thanks for paying attention pals.

Am I supposed to apologise for having an addiction to food? For struggling with self-control? For finding this all really difficult? I don’t think that would be productive or helpful to anyone. I like to excel at things, I always have. Failing at losing weight is my biggest failure and shame; and I post about it on the internet every week.

I am hard on myself and put myself down all the time. I have zero confidence and very low self-esteem. I feel like I am a worthless person. I don’t need others to help with that.

I’m not too prideful to admit that I need support, because I do need it. I also need to achieve this on my own to regain my sense of worth. I understand that is a hard line to tread for people trying to support me, but don’t tear me down and emotionally blackmail me with the threat of not being able to achieve things when you get tired of walking that line.

If you made it through this post, you are a champ. I’m venting.
Well…after purging my mind on here I’m going to go drown in some vomit…(kidding)
Goodnight, people.

Weigh in Wednesday

Morning one and all, it’s another Wednesday.

Last week: 221 pounds
Today: 223.5 pounds
To Lose for Goal 1: 13 pounds

I’m glad to report I’m feeling better this week, though not fully recovered as of yet. The monumental weight loss last week – at least partially – must have been down to being ill, and vomiting the night before weigh in. I’m not too distressed by the gain because it’s a sign I’m getting over tonsillitis. Overall it’s still a loss of 4 pounds this month.

Last week a comment VetRunner posted got me thinking. VR said “try not to put too much pressure on goals, try to enjoy the things you are trying to achieve” (ie the general process of losing weight and being healthier). Sound advice. I mulled it over, and I do tend to lose sight of the process and feeling good when concentrating on the numbers and goals. Going forward I think I should remind myself of that now and then! With that in mind, here’s my week roundup:

Food
Last weeks goal: Eat within 1500 calories 6 / 7 days
I did: 4 / 7 days
Not too shabby, and the days I didnt make it were not over by too big of a number. I feel that I need to learn more about healthy snacks and find ones that I like enough to substitute for unhealthy snacks. The volume of my eating has decreased, which is good. It’s nice to be thinking about food less inbetween meals!

Exercise
Last weeks goal: Burn 1000 calories
I did: 0 / 1000
I did, in fact, burn calories through the week and get some walking in as my exercise. However I ate back those calories so they don’t count as additional burnt off! I’ve enjoyed being out walking on my lunch break, it does me a world of good to get out of the office. This week I’m hoping to get running again if I’m feeling recovered enough, I want to feel like I am able to run again.

Sleep
Last weeks goal: Get 8 hours sleep 4 / 7 nights
I did: 3 / 7 nights
Getting more sleep makes me feel better about my whole day. Unfortunately, I suck at getting enough sleep during the week. I’m working on this and am hoping to get into a good wind down routine in the evenings which will help.

Goals For Next Week
Weight: 221 Pounds
Food: Eat 1500 calories 6 / 7 days
Exercise: Burn 1000 calories
Sleep: Get 8 hours sleep 4 / 7 nights

Weigh In Wednesday…or not?

Hello one and all.

Christmas eve is upon us, and all of the year’s hard work is about to be abolished with obscene amounts of food. Om nom. This year, I decided to attempt some restraint and to not go too crazy! We’ll have to see how that goes…

I’ve no idea how much I weigh today, I wasn’t home this morning so I was away from my scales and whatnot. I can always weigh in tomorrow…What I do have for you, is the remainder of my goals:

Food

Last Week’s Goal: Eat within my calorie limit 6/7 days

Well…I’m telling you now it wasn’t good.

I did: 2/7 Days

Yepp, told you it wasn’t good. I wasn’t over by a large amount each day, but it  added up. most days it was only by 200-300 calories. Though there was an 800 somewhere too…

Too much temptation, too little willpower.

Exercise

Last Week’s Goal: Burn 1000 calories

I Did: 125 Calories, but over ate by 2800 calories – 125 / 3800

Ummm so that was pretty bad. Totting it all up like that really hits home and…it doesn’t feel good. Bad me.

Sleep

Last Week’s Goal: Get 8 hours sleep 4 / 7 nights

I Did: 2 / 7 nights

Again, not good.  I’m not sure how to improve on this other than to do absolutely nothing but go straight to be when I get home from work – which doesn’t really seem plausible.

Goals for Next Week

Weight: 220 pounds (I know full well I will have put on weight, so I need to be back to 220 again by next week!)

Food: Eat within calorie limit 5 / 7 days

Exercise: Burn 1000 calories

Sleep: Get 8 hours sleep 5 / 7 nights

 

P.S. – Merry Christmas!

3 Month Goal – December & Updates

Okay so it’s the first 3 month weigh in. We all know I wasn’t going to make it! I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve decided to set new 3 month goals for 2015. It makes more sense to me to have them through 2015 rather than split over 2014 and 2015. More logical in my mind!

Start Weight: 220 pounds

By the end of 2015 I will weigh: 178 pounds

3 Month Goals

March 29th – 209.5 pounds

June 28th – 199 pounds

September 27th – 188.5 pounds

December 20th – 178 pounds

Overall, this is a loss of 42 pounds.

3.5 pounds a month – approximately 1 pound per week.

It’s an achievable goal! I can loose 1 pound a week minimum.

I’m looking forward to doing this, I don’t want to be fat anymore! I mean, I didn’t want to be fat in the first place, but I still ate myself right into it and have stayed there. This year was the first year I have actually lost weight, but I don’t feel proud of it because I should never have been this big in the first place.

2014 stats

Start of 2014 weight: 230 pounds

Highest weight: 236 pounds

Weight now, before Christmas: 220 pounds

01/14 – 12/14 difference: 10 pound loss

Highest Weight – Now difference: 16 pound loss

Overall, I have lost weight this year. For the first time since…ever probably!

Treadmill Tuesday

I missed my running group on Monday evening – this was due to not having the car again because the parentals motor is out of action. I had planned on gyming instead, but ended up not going, and went tonight instead.

I had very little time at the gym because my train home was delayed, so I hopped onto the treadmill and got started.

Distance: 2.26km
Time: 26:41
Incline: 2% average incline

I pushed myself to run for 1k. I got there, then I pushed myself to run 1.2. I got to there too, and decided to push for 1.5k. I got to 1.5k, and took note of the fact that I just ran for 15 minutes without stopping. That’s the longest time I’ve ever ran for before!! I did this at a pace of 6km/h. Once I hit the 1.5k, I slowed to a walk for a little while, then did a fast paced run at 7.5km/h to stretch my legs out and push myself. This pace didn’t last long, and I worked my way back down to a walk before cooling down.

I’m really glad I went to the gym this evening, I acheived something I didn’t think I could!

On a seperate, but related note – I think I am in need of a gait analysis and decent running trainers! I think it would help to alleviate some of the ankle and knee pain I’ve been feeling…

Happy 2nd of December!

Running

I went for a run today! My neck feels fine and I decided to not let it stop me from training any longer. I made the beginnings of a training plan, the basis of it is to up my distance each week. I’d like to be able to run the whole distances, but that will come with time and continuity. And pushing myself to.

Today I did 0.75 miles in approx 10 mins.
Breakdown:
1 min warmup walk
5.5 min run
2.5 min walk
1 min walk

For the next one I would like to run for more of the distance, but I was quite pleased with what I did.

By the end of the month I’ll be running 2 miles …and hopefully actually running for the whole time!

Next run: Wednesday – 0.75 miles